Heather P. Tarleton. Ph.D., who is the Graduate Division Diversity Program Director at UCLA is right when she states that the first year of graduate school is the hardest. I can remember feeling so many competing feelings during my first year. Thoughts would wander through my mind of inadequacy. I felt that maybe I was an imposter and I did not really belong in graduate school. Other thoughts of past voices that told me they would never do the Ph.D. again if they could do it all over again caused doubt in my mind about the worth of doing so in one’s lifetime. But, here I am a fifth year ABD doctoral student in Literature half-way done with my dissertation. Am I an imposter, obviously not! Has it been worth it? Well, we’ll see about that answer next year when the jobs come rolling in. Personally, it has been worth it. The ways in which I’ve grown both mentally, spiritually and intellectually are evidence of the worth of graduate school. My experience up until now has been one that I would like to share with other grads and especially with those grads who might be mothers or who have not been on the “fast-track” to the graduate degree. Furthermore, since this is my last contribution to Grad-to-Grad as the ogs-intern, I would like to share my experience with others.

First year: Seminars were very challenging. There was so much reading. I had kids at home so the work had to be done at very specific hours, either while they were gone at school or while they were sleeping. Yes, there were times I saw the sun rise in preparation for my seminar presentations the next day. I remember having to read entire books in a matter of a couple days while being a TA of two writing courses. However, as Tarleton advises in “Becoming Competitive: Navigating Your Way Toward a Doctorate”, the first year is a time of adjustment and evaluation of faculty for future support figures such as advisors or mentors. San Diego is a beautiful city so outside adjustment was easy. I networked with a lot of grad mothers. Inside adjustment was not so easy, however, my advisor, who I met before coming to UCSD was wonderfully supportive and made sure I was comfortable. She too was a mother and could appreciate the complex lives of grad parents. I made it through the first year and, therefore, I could make it through the rest.

Second Year: I was still a TA for two writing classes while taking a full-load of graduate seminars. I decided that it was time to prepare for qualifying exams and attended workshops that were local to my department about how to best approach the qualifying exam, which was, to me, the scariest and most difficult hurdle to cross. I conceived of graduate school as being all downhill after the exam was over. I decided to prepare to attend a conference that was a key conference in my field, namely, the College Conference on Composition and Communication (4 C’s). I did not have a full-fledged paper, but I had written a Master’s Thesis and needed some ideas on how to expand and further my research on Generation 1.5 students in California. As Tarleton confirms, “Conferences that you attend in the first year or two of graduate study are for you to network and to present preliminary data from your research.” I used the “Research Network Forum” of the 4 C’s conference to do just that. It is more like a roundtable discussion where two full professors guide the discussion of research topics of similar interest. I made myself known to others and I attended a wide variety of panel too familiarize myself with the range of research common in my particular field. I am a Latina Compositionist so I also joined the Latino Caucus of the 4C’s. Their listserv has been a wonderful source of information and national support for my research questions up until now.

Third Year: I went through a divorce which put my plans to qualify during the beginning of this year on the back burner. I was surviving the best I could this year, taking independent reading and writing courses that would further contribute to preparation for my qualifying exams which would not take place until the end of the year. I was still a TA for two writing courses and I designed my own course which would be the subject of my talk for the conference I attended during this year. The thought of giving up was not an option for me. I figured that I had made it this far, so I would continue despite my personal life falling apart. Many may wonder if grad school contributed to my divorce. No, it did not. The circumstances of the divorce did not involve my commitment to graduate school. There were other circumstances that are too personal to divulge here. However, relationship problems do occur when grad school becomes more and more demanding of one’s time. So, of course, priorities have to be made on a daily basis. Timing for me was key as I was now a single mother of three and my time was even more valuable than before. Luckily I had finished course work and I was on my way to qualifying; although, I did have to petition for an extension twice because of my personal dilemma. At the end of the year, I qualified with flying colors!!! Furthermore, I also had a chapter of my dissertation written and a plan for what my dissertation would consist of. During this year I also presented on an official 4 C’s panel and was awarded the Scholars for the Dream Travel award that is given to Underrepresented Minority Scholars of Composition who show promising and cutting edge research potential. I was thrilled and I networked with more key Composition scholars as a result of this recognition.

Fourth Year: Now that I was ABD, it was time to write the dissertation. I also became the OGS intern during this year so my experience as a graduate student changed drastically. I now became interested in the bureaucratic process behind university policy and procedure and I finally figured out what the Graduate Student Association was. I was thrilled at this new experience and I wrote as I could. Being that I became exposed to issues of parenting while in graduate school, issues of diversity in graduate school and issues of building community, I became heavily involved in advocating for all three. My dissertation writing waned a little but by the end of this year, I had argued for the leave of absence for grads who were bearing a child while in grad school and had finished two chapters of my dissertation. These interests also unintentionally influenced my research direction. As a result, my advisor suggested that I work with another faculty member as my lead chair. I was a little surprised but reassured when my new advisor seemed an appropriate fit for my change of interest. Note: I would not advise to make these kinds of moves this late in the game. It has slowed down my dissertation writing quite a bit. However, these types of unforeseeable changes are more reason to seek out a suitable mentor and advisor during your first two years.

Fifth Year: I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am half-way done with my dissertation. My relationship with my new advisor is quite comfortable. I’m happy with my research direction and I have begun to seriously develop my career portfolio by consulting with my committee members and more recently, Graduate Career Advisor, Joe Cribari. At this point that light is getting brighter and brighter. Joe has contributed to this edition in ways that can compliment what to do now that you’re on your way to the Ph.D. He has also provided a more formal year by year break down of what to do to be a successful Ph.D. on the road to the job market. Good luck!

Source: Becoming Competitive: Navigating Your Way Toward a Doctorate by, Heather P. Tarleton. Ph.D.